Remember the bird flu? It was all the rage about 15 years ago. This was the “it” disease and everyone was talking about it. Now diseases, like network television have become popular again. Ebola is the newest shiny pandemic that makes bird flu look like a flip phone with shoulder pads and a mullet. Thanks to our 24 hour news outlets, Ebola is on the nation’s collective consciousness, right at the surface, ready to be inserted into any conversation, at any given opportunity. I hear people talking about it all the time and I don’t even talk to people. Just yesterday in Harlem, on my walk to Central Park, I overheard this:
A young couple are leisurely walking ahead of me.
Girl: No, I didn’t go yesterday. I called-in. I told them I was sick.
Guy: Son, you got the Ebola! You didn’t tell me you had the Ebola. Son, I’mma have to stop messing with you, now that you have the Ebola.
Aww, my black people are so funny.
Ebola is the disease dujour. Although many are still ignorant or misinformed about how it spreads, most are acutely aware of it’s existence. Ebola is the Kim Kardashian of the diseases. It’s ubiquitous, and (in my best flamboyant gay man speak) “It’s killing it” (snap fingers in half circle gesture).
At this point, it’s important to keep things in perspective. Ebola is not a serious threat here in the US. Calm down people. Our government and corporations are not going let Ebola kill us off. We are worth waaaaay too much alive–and sick. There are too many cigarettes to buy, 2 litter sodas to drink, taxes to pay, all while we Netflix binge watch multiple seasons of “Son’s of Anarchy”.
But I agree, Ebola is hard not to think about. Ebola is like the Meghan Trainor song, you can’t get it out of your head.
Because you know
I’m all about that bass
‘Bout that bass, no treble
5 things this week that made me think Ebola.
1. My African cabbie.
“So, how long have you lived in NY?”
2. The old white man that sneezed and didn’t cover his nose.
I know Ebola is not airborne, but if it was, you’ve contaminated this entire Walgreens
3. My flight’s seat back pocket.
This is the origin of all disease. Open this and exposed yourself to Polio, Smallpox and AIDS all lying on the surface of a fuzz-covered wintergreen Certs.
4. Little kids.
Let’s be honest, kids are gross. They’re good people, cute and fun to be around but they’re disease carriers in Gap outfits. Kids are cool and cute. You always want to kiss them, but you NEVER should.
5. Halloween costumes.
Right now, someone is planning an elaborate costume, so they’ll eventually be asked, ‘What are you dressed as?’ And they’ll proudly answer, ‘An Ebola strain.’ You’re an asshole.